Unravelling to Rebuild: How Perimenopause Changed Me and My Marriage.

Perimenopause and menopause feel like a secret season nobody warned us about — a chapter of life where so many women quietly unravel, recalibrate, question everything, and rebuild themselves from the inside out. What shocked me most was learning that the divorce rate skyrockets around this time of life. In 2025 alone, estimates suggest that roughly 1 in 3 divorces involved women in midlife — it’s a real pattern, not just a coincidence. And honestly, I’m not surprised.

Before I go on, I need to say this clearly:
This is my marriage, my story, my experience.
Every relationship is different, every dynamic is unique, and what I walked through may be completely different to what another woman or couple experiences. I’m not giving advice on marriage — I’m sharing my truth. But no matter what someone’s relationship looks like, I do believe every woman needs to understand and support her nervous system through this phase of life. That part, I think, is universal.

When I turned 40, something in me shifted. I went through a very long period of irritation — anger, resentment, even hatred — toward my husband. It was like every breath he took was wrong. His chewing. His walking. His existence in a room. And when I went online, I found story after story of women saying the exact same thing: their husbands were suddenly unbearable, their tolerance vanished, and they felt like they were living with the loudest, most irritating creature on earth.

Yoga was the only thing that kept me somewhat grounded. It taught me awareness — the ability to witness what was happening inside me, even when I couldn’t control it. I breathed, I meditated, I observed… and still, most of the time, I was completely out of control. I would go absolutely batshit crazy. I’m not perfect, and I don’t think I was meant to be. But even in the chaos, one thing never left me: I knew I loved my husband. I truly believe he is my soulmate. The story of how we met has always confirmed that for me.

So I kept asking:
If I love him so deeply, why do I feel this way?

There I was, working almost full-time, cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, driving kids to activities, managing bills, shopping, organising every detail of our lives… and neglecting myself entirely. I started to resent him because I felt pressure financially, emotionally, physically — I felt like I was carrying the entire household on my back while he expected life to keep running the same as it always had. This was the part of our marriage where I truly went psycho. I realised I needed to protect myself, because no one else was going to do it for me. I had to stand my ground and say, “No more.”

What I’ve learned is that the biggest changes in a woman’s body during perimenopause and menopause come down to hormones — erratic, declining, unpredictable hormones — and a nervous system that gets rattled by rising cortisol. And online, everyone has something to say: “Eat more protein,” “Take this supplement,” “Follow this diet,” “Try this magic cure.” And I did it all. Some days I felt incredible and thought I’d finally cracked the code, and then the next day I’d be completely off again. This has been going on for nearly eight years.

I feel for women going through this. But I also feel for the men who stand on the sidelines, confused and helpless, trying to love us while we morph into versions of ourselves even we don’t recognise.

What I’ve come to learn — what no one told me — is that the most important thing during perimenopause and menopause isn’t just the food, or the supplements, or the workouts, or the perfect sleep routine.

It’s the nervous system.

Hormones influence our nervous system like an internal storm. Declining estrogen affects serotonin and dopamine, making mood swings sharper. Progesterone drops remove a natural calming effect. Cortisol rises because the body feels under threat, making us reactive, overwhelmed, overstimulated. It’s not in our heads — it’s in our wiring.

And this is where the shedding comes in.
This entire period of life has felt like shedding a snake’s skin — not shedding people, husbands, or jobs, but shedding the way I’ve lived for decades. Shedding the idea that I must do everything. Shedding the belief that only I can do things properly. Shedding the habit of pushing myself past exhaustion.

I’m learning to ask for help.
I’m learning to let go.
I’m learning that it’s okay if something isn’t perfect — others will learn, just like I did once.

As women, as we age, we truly do need to slow down. We need to delegate household duties, have honest conversations with our families, reduce overload where we can, and stop trying to be superheroes. Perimenopause shakes our nervous system, which means we must prioritise feeling safe. Not emotionally coddled — but grounded, supported, and not stretched beyond capacity.

For a long time, I didn’t feel safe. I blamed my husband because I thought it was his job to protect me, to make everything feel okay. But I didn’t understand what was happening inside me — and I expected him to. Eventually, he started helping more. The kids stepped up. I began saying no to things that drained me. My extended family supported me when I stopped going to gatherings because I needed solitude to reset my nervous system.

And strangely enough, this hasn’t harmed my marriage.
It has healed it.
We’re learning, adapting, changing — together.

Some nights, after a long day of holding myself together, I look at my husband and say, “I’m tired of trying to be strong.” And he knows what that means. He’ll put me on the couch, put on a Netflix movie, hug me while I watch, and sometimes he even tries (I won’t let him) to carry me to bed. That simple softness has saved me more than any supplement ever could.

This season of life is raw, humbling, and messy — but it’s also a rebirth. A shedding. A reshaping. And when we finally stop trying to hold everything up alone, we discover that the people we love are willing — and able — to hold us too.

And lastly…

What made the biggest difference during this time wasn’t just the changes I made at home — it was the way yoga supported my nervous system through all of it. Yoga became my anchor when everything else in me felt shaky and unpredictable. It wasn’t about stretching or being flexible; it was the one place where my breath finally slowed, where my mind softened, and where my body felt safe enough to release the tension it had been holding for years. Each time I stepped onto the mat, I felt like I was giving my nervous system a reset — a moment where cortisol dropped, where my thoughts untangled, where my heart rate settled. And when I combined that inner regulation with the practical changes at home — delegating tasks, asking for help, saying no, creating space — something finally clicked. My body wasn’t fighting against life anymore. It was learning to move with it.

Prioritise your parasympathetic nervous system — slow down, breathe, and let your body feel safe again.

STAY STRONG- STAY FLEXIBLE- STAY KIND